The CEO of Terrorism, also known as Usama/Osama Bin Ladin/Laden/Whatever is just about now pulling off his headwear and dress in anticipation of bedding those 72 virgins. He finds out they are nonexistent. Plus, there is no mansion where he now resides. The air conditioning is non functional. It sucks to be a terrorist in the afterlife.

Tip to still living terrorists – do not live in compounds with “unusual and extremely high-security,” or are “eight times the size of other nearby houses.” Oh, you may want to not burn the trash – draws attention. Also, don’t use the courier brothers strategy. Change up the couriers periodically. Even better – stop killing innocents. There are still countries brave enough to take you on.

The common question is now going to be what were you doing, or where were you when it was announced that old Bin up and died? I was checking my e-mail messages when I saw an e-mail from my buddy Travis M. announcing that Bin was dead. Travis has been known to forward a joke or two, or three, so I wasn’t too sure. Then the other e-mails came in. When the one from NewsMax showed up, I knew for sure that the news had to be true. I did not rush to pull out an American Flag. I did not do a jig. I checked my FaceBook page. FaceBook was hopping with reactions.

I fielded two calls from friends John C. and Carolyn M. John C. wanted to get my reaction to the news. To quote a famous politician, who I will not name as he is deceased, my gut feeling was that this death was quite timely, in the political sense. I still question the timing and orchestration of the death announcement. Coincidentally, Carolyn called at 9:11 p.m. I noticed the time because she asked me, wanting to make sure that she had not awakened me. Then she realized that she had not, because of the time difference between her coast and my coast.  I told Carolyn M. that ironically I had begun to write an article about terrorism in general, about two weeks ago, and put it aside to work on other more timely pieces. This news is certainly timely and long overdue. Accordingly, I have come to bury UBL, not to praise him.

UBL introduced me to the “military” tactic of leading from the rear. He was quite skilled in sending out his minions to kill innocents, while he remained far away from the “battlefield.” I had been accustomed to generals such as George Washington to whom “fore” meant he was at the front of the battle. UBL orchestrated the murder of innocents, including Christine Hanson and Anthony Brown (two of the kids murdered on September 11, 2001), while hiding to preserve his hide. Of course, UBL’s crazed followers are not bright enough to recognize that they were being sent out to murder and die, while he lived in luxury.

As all of the articles are being written, the celebrations continue, and the pundits ponder, those followers, the ones still living, are most likely plotting their revenge. At least we know more about their modus operandi now, and should be better prepared.

UBL changed air travel forever.  Traveling used to mean packing one’s bags, with whatever size and whatever amount of toiletries and cosmetics, settling down to watch a movie or listening to music, while waiting for a good sized snack, and disembarking at the destination. UBL-caused restrictions on “normal” travel, changed all of that. The free peanuts are gone. Most travelers, especially Caucasian boys and girls, grandmothers with walkers, and anyone with a medically inserted device, are now viewed as potential terrorists. I will not forgive UBL for causing six year old girls to undergo “enhanced pat downs,” with strangers being legally allowed to touch their private parts.  

I am not sure if UBL invented the “murder in exchange for 72 vestal virgins in the afterlife scheme,” but he certainly almost perfected it. Get some presumably virile young men hopped up on visions of unlimited sex after death, and they would kill their own mothers. They did kill quite a number of mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, children, and grandchildren, on that fateful day of September 11, 2001.

UBL and his errand boys figuratively caused rivers of tears to flow at the news of those deaths. My tears came later. I was initially very angry and wanted revenge. I turned into a writer four days later. I made a vow to follow and record the activities of the cowards who kill innocents, “as long as God gave me breath.” Chalk up another change to UBL.

Revved up patriotism after the slaughter of 9/11, is directly attributable to UBL. He helped Americans rediscover how precious this country is to us. There was a run on American Flags and other patriotic memorabilia. We became more concerned and loving towards one another, in general. Although relatively fleeting, that sense of camaraderie was wondrous. I long to see a return.

UBL brought “political correctness” to the fore, in the US. After initially storming into Afghanistan and “taking care of business,” the war on terror began to be sidetracked by concerns about “winning hearts and minds.” Even in announcing his death, the president made sure to declare that he was buried according to Islamic standards, or whatever the verbiage was. Quite frankly, I care not how his body was handled. But, I do not agree with the burial at sea. There is already plenty of marine pollution. In any case, why the rush to get rid of the body? This disease of political correctness was visited upon the men and women who were serving. Some of them are still serving jail time for killing terrorists in self defense.  It was a small group of Special Forces that finally did in UBL. I wonder how many of that force joined the US Military after 9/11.

Speaking of Special Forces, to whom should the credit be given for turning out the lights on UBL? First and foremost, I give the credit to the men who carried out the operation and pulled the trigger. They will probably be forgotten in all of the political posturing. I give credit to the ones who did the planning. I give credit to the president for putting aside his dislike of armed conflict, and making a decisive decision, on par with his ultimate decision not to precipitously pull out of Afghanistan. President Bush should also share the credit for doggedly sticking to his guns, in the face of increasing disenchantment from large segments of an American public, worn out by war. Social Media, especially Twitter, should also be given its due. The first reports about the “bombs bursting in air,” or more specifically the sounds of shattering glass, came from a Tweeter.

Let us not forget assigning appropriate credit to those detainees at Gitmo, the facility that the president vowed to shut down, almost right after his inauguration. Those detainees spilled their guts. The facility is still open. The detainees don’t mind. They are living their version of prison luxury. UBL himself should be given credit for not thinking outside of the box/ mansion, and providing vital clues to his location. I am still wondering how he could be hiding, almost in plain sight, in a country that presumably has immigration laws. However, I cannot throw any immigration stones at Pakistan. The US does not have much of an immigration policy when it comes to certain of its own borders.  I wonder though, if Pakistan will continue to get billions for being a “partner” in fighting terrorism.

The re-emergence of American Flags could mean a boost for China manufacturing. The Flags had considerably lessened since 9/11/2001. Now they will be in demand again. Coincidentally, it was this very  morning, long before the nighttime announcement of the demise of UBL, that I was lamenting that the Flag that used to be in my car for years, had fallen off last year and at the time,  I could not find one specifically tailored for cars, in the places that I had checked. I can bet that I will now be able to find one. While we are flying Flags and celebrating, let us not forget that this is not over. The chief financier of terror may be dead, but the forces he financed are still in operation. The lure of those 72 nubile virgins is still powerful.

Here is my epitaph for UBL:

Here lies a coward, unfamiliar with courage. He sent out his strip club-loving religious fanatics (wink, wink) to kill innocents while he hung out in “luxury compounds.” He died as he lived – a coward, probably hiding under the tent-like dress of a woman. You shall not be missed.